Fun Fridays

Because relationships naturally tend toward atrophy, building healthy ones takes intention.  It's not just true in marriage and friendship but also in parenting.  Since we've moved to Denver, DH has begun some special one-on-one times with our older sons.  I'm taking the hint and taking off the teacher hat (and most of the mom hat too) this summer to build on my relationships with my boys.

This summer I'm going to focus hanging out with my boys on Fridays.  The other days of the week will have all kinds of things to take them to and do FOR them, but Fridays are for hanging WITH them.

Yesterday, we started off at the Hershey Track and Field Day.  Turns out that running races aren't DS #1's favorite thing.  So, we went to Krispy Kreme for free doughnut day instead.  After that we played cards and read aloud from The Borrowers before we ran them to their evening activities.

This coming Friday is Young Eagle's day at our little airport.  DS #2 is finally 8 and is eligible to do a flight.  He's been waiting for this for years.  It'll be great to share that experience with him.  I may take them to a little music in the park thing in the evening too.  If we get bored with that we can play in the water feature. 

In following weeks I'm going to take them to the local pool, visit the new children's garden at the Botanic Gardens, visit the skatepark, find the ice cream man, go camping, and cash in on their coupons from their summer reading programs.  I'm not only looking forward to the activity of Fridays but to the more balanced relationships I hope to gain with my guys. 

Summer Reading for Me

Sometimes my summer reading has a theme to it.  One year I only read "Short Classics" -- novels all less than 200 pages.  One year I read selections from The Inklings.  This year my theme is "Books I Should Have Read by Now but Haven't."  I can't believe I haven't read some of these but I'm looking forward to all of them.

Here is my list for summer reading:
The Cost of Discipleship
Mere Christianity
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values
One Hundred Years of Solitude
The Secret Life of Bees
Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time
Things Fall Apart
Vanity Fair 
You Can Teach Your Child Successfully


The other half of my goal is to make this "should have" list reach even into my to-do list.  There are a lot of things I should have already done by now that I haven't. As far as summer goals go, here's a portion of my embarrassing list of things to do:

1.  Make out a living trust.  (I've had children for how long now??)
2.  Call my brother.
3.  Teach the boys the science of doing chores.
4.  Make some art for our bare walls.
5.  Correct the misspelling on one son's social security card.
6.  Practice once-a-week cooking.
7.  Teach my boys how to "save the world," one little project at a time.
8.  Catch up their vaccinations.
9.  Finish the "December Daily" photo album I began... in December.
10.  Organize and file away their school work from this year... and last.


What are you going to get to this summer that you probably should have done before now?

Summer Reading to the Boys

Reading aloud is not an academic pursuit in our house; it's the way that we parent.  The teachable moments and shared experiences through story-telling are priceless.

We always begin our school days with me reading aloud from a chapter book; we are finishing the The Elephant Man tomorrow as we finish up our study of the Human Body.  (This particular edition is wonderfully written by the way).  This summer, we'll continue our bedtime reading aloud (I am reading through the Lord of the Rings to J and DH is reading through Chronicles of Narnia with B).  But, I also want to do a morning read-aloud with all of our boys.

I think I'm a bit wistful about seeing J off to school in the fall.  Continuing the daily read-aloud seems even more important now than ever.  I want to read a few coming-of-age stories that we can discuss together.  I also want to read a few stories that are pure fun.  Here are the options I've come up with:
The Borrowers
Rascal 
Danny: The Champion of the World
The Penderwicks
Tiltawhirl John
Tuck Everlasting
The Phantom Tollbooth

What are you favorite summer read-alouds?

Teaching Friendship

Today was the boys' field day for their once-a-week class.  J had to say good-bye to friends because he won't be in that program next year.  He had his yearbook in hand and I know he hoped to fill it with signatures.  But, rather than say, "See ya later," when all the planned activities were over, he chose to just leave.  I don't blame him.  Saying, "Good-bye" stinks. 

To him, though, this is just how it is; you get to know kids for a short while and then you have to leave them.  He's had to say good-bye to friends just about every year since he was five and it pulls on me everytime.  His dad met his best friend when he was in second grade.  They have a long history and I think it's an amazingly rare kind of relationship.  I made two big moves in my own young life and so I know what it means to break ties again and again.  But I still keep in touch with some friends from middle school and I just recently found my "best friend in fifth grade" on Facebook.  However, J has never even had the opportunity to really dig in and know a person long-term. 

Teaching your kids the art of true friend-making is difficult, particularly since we've moved five times in the past six years.  We've been extremely active in all kinds of groups, classes, sports, and activities.  In one location, ours was the house in the neighborhood that was the most fun to play at.  Inviting friends into our lives has never been an issue.  Its the keeping that we want to do now. 

Friendships take a long time to build, especially when you're young and your personality and values are still embryonic. My hope is that he is now in the right geographical and emotional place to do this in a deeper way.  I hope that he finds new friends at his new school that he can know forever. I hope that he can begin to let down the guard of "I'm always the new kid" and give this next experience a good, solid shot. I hope that he continues to pursue the relationships that he's already begun and takes the time to recognize the value of letting your life story mix in with others.   Because if it's up to me (and I know it isn't) I'm not going to move him anywhere, ever again.  

But if he's going to do this, he needs to see me doing it first.  I left the field day today feeling like that group of people wasn't my community and today I remain as un-invested in it as I was on the first day last September. There are other places and people where I choose to invest my time and he sees that, but I had a chance for my community and my son's community to intersect and I didn't take advantage of it.  That was foolish.

So, you can bet, that next year I'll be the best room-mom I can possibly be. I'll be more intentional about creating circles that intersect with his.  And the relationships that we pursue, thrive or fail, will be formative and enriching if we're both open to the possibility that lies ahead of us.