Silence and Solitude

It's unusual for a homeschooling mother to say that she makes regular space for a discipline such as silence and solitude.  For all of us there are pressing needs to attend to, plans to outline, materials to find, children to guide, meals, field trips... The list could go on and on, unless we are intentional about pressing pause.

We think a lot about who we are teaching to but many days we lose sight of who we are teaching from.  We teach out of who we are and, for me, that means I teach from that point where the gospel transforms me with grace and truth.  If I try to teach from any other place, I grow weary.

And so I take a day every couple of months to practice silence and solitude.  To talk with the God who gives me life and breath, creativity and skills. To listen to what the next steps may be.  To pray with intention and thought.  To read and consider the passages that affect me.  To come to new understanding and take steps toward transformation.

The hardest part about taking a day for silence and solitude is first deciding to do it.  Some mornings as I rise early amidst sleeping boys to gather my materials I question the necessity of my plans.  There are other things I could and should be doing.  Indeed, there will always be.  And I believe that God works even while I daily accomplish, but having your best friend beside you all the time is different than looking her in the face and really hearing her.  And so, I push myself to go so that I can hear.

There is a retreat center near my home that allows me to rent a dorm room for a day.  This takes me away from all distraction.  Though I nearly convince myself that I could accomplish much devotional writing, my laptop stays home.  I cannot have that pull to go any other place. I make myself exist with little.

I begin the day in my journal, longhanding a list of what’s on my mind and heart: struggles friends are having, uncertainties about what’s next for me, unanswerable questions I’ve been asked, temptations and tendencies I can’t seem to move past.  Doing this allows me to move beyond the circumstantial in order to get to a place where I can see and sense God’s presence.  I then present my list to God in prayer and ask, “What to YOU want to do today?  Which of these will we address, or will you take me somewhere else?” 

Other days I simply ask, "What do you want me to hear?"  And throughout the day when I'm unsure where to go next, I just go back to that question. 

I bring materials that make me think more deeply about the truth of God; books with questions that pull me out of myself (a raging introvert) and more toward the person he's creating me to be.  

For a portion of the day I dive deep into a particular scripture:  the whole book of Titus, reading John for the sense of the greater story, or looking up verses about perseverance.

Incorporating the physical connects the mind to the soul and opens up new ways of seeing: walking and whispering aloud nearly always provides clarity.  Adhering photos to an album gives room to think and pray for the people within them.  Using my camera to observe the details of creation gives practice in counting gifts.  Practicing physical postures of prayer takes my thoughts to their deepest importance.

When I'm hungry I eat, but only after I ask, "Is this really what I need, or am I escaping from something hard?"  When I'm tired of sitting, I walk.  When I'm tired of walking, I rest.  And at the end of the day I try to determine: 1. What did I hear? and 2. How will this time away affect my time back with people?  Our time with God should, to some extent, change us and benefit those we love and serve.  I am refreshed and challenged.  I shouldn't go home and assume everyone else feels the same.

When choosing books to bring, I select only those that I'm currently working through.  I often begin one a few weeks ahead so that I can be in the thick of it, struggling to appropriately place it in my life. I believe in working from where God already has you.

I encourage you to give it a try.  Once a year, twice a year, once a season.  Make yourself available and see what becomes of you.

These are some of the titles I easily suggest.

• Invitation to Silence and Solitude by Ruth Haley Barton
• Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith by Henri J. M. Nouwen
• The Divine Hours: (any of them) by Phyllis Tickle
• The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom by Christine Valters Painter
• Praying in Color:  Drawing a New Path to God by Sybil MacBeth
• Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
• The Reflective Life by Ken Gire
• The Courage to Teach by Parker J. Palmer
• The Religious Potential of the Child by Sofia Cavaletti

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Ending Quietly

We've had a busy month:

• Two snow days
• One son's physical
• Swim lessons for two boys
• Taekwon Do for one
• A movie making co-op
• Bible study every other Friday
• Retreat planning
• Retreat cancelling
• Going to visit a friend
• Having a cousin come visit here
• Tae bo workouts
• Tebow's autograph
• Volunteering for picture day
• Babysitting for a single mom
• TNL each Tuesday
• Free the Girls event
• Meeting with a right-brain tutor
• Doing the left-brained taxes
• A co-op Valentine's party
• Our homegroup on Sunday
• Two parent/teacher conferences
• Coffee with two friends
• Classes for B on Fridays
• A tour of Celestial Seasonings
• Two boys to the dentist
• One unit on water
• And now... sickness.  Which means we missed out on the aquarium and a play.

February didn't get to me this year.  Our regular schedule was interrupted, we found new inspiration, we accomplished a unit of study, I focused on being intentional, we played and I'm not frazzled, worn, discouraged or derailed.

We've been purposefully busy.  So now, it's okay for my two littlest to chill on the couch -- albiet coughing and moaning -- and let February slide on out.  We will greet March with healthy new bodies, a new unit of study, longer hours of daylight and the beginning of Lent.  

We made it.

Whew.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Finding Affirmation

I've mentioned before that B is dyslexic.  I've also vowed to get him some help and this Saturday I did.  

I contacted a local educational consultant - slash author - slash "Outlier" (he's completed his 10,000 hours in the field for any of you who've read Gladwell's book), Jeffrey Freed.   He's worked with a couple of my friends' kids and I knew he'd be just the man to help B out and give me a feel for where we're really at with this.

I can tell you, I've never had an experience where I felt more affirmed. I think I was beaming as B completed every little activity Jeff asked him to do, even when it became more and more difficult.  Jeff assessed him in reading, spelling and math skills and when he was done he touted B's brilliance and giftedness and definite "right-brained" slant.  He even said, "I don't even think he's truly dyslexic, he's just that right-brained."   It's so good to see your child attempt something that you know is hard work and succeed (can you spell perpendicular backwards without a pause?  Now do it if you're dyslexic).

It's also good to be affirmed for making all the right choices for B in his life so far such as keeping him out of a cookie-cutter school experience, avoiding situations where he could be labeled or emotionally abused, giving him a non-pressured learning environment and encouraging him to continually push his feelings outward.

All these years, I've truthfully homeschooled for my oldest son.  He was the one that would have wilted in a classroom (or killed it, take your pick).  And in the past couple years as I've clued in to B's exceptional needs it turns out that homeschooling was the exact thing he needed too.  He wasn't just a tag-a-long in my endeavor to help my oldest, he was getting his needs met as well.  That's amazing because at one point I was almost convinced that he'd be a great public school kid...

God is good to us.

This week, we are customizing B's curriculum.  Since I'm already a unit study practitioner, it's already fairly customized.  But I'm trying out some of the things that Jeff suggested.  B is happier, I feel less pressured to add in more and more (Jeff said take stuff out!), and I'm praising him for asking questions.  Here are three things I'm focusing on right now:

1.  If B can't visualize it, he can't learn it. This means, write words in colors, even changing it at each syllable.  It means as he's reading silently to remind him to get a movie going in his head of what he's reading.  It means have him close his eyes as I take him through an auditory sequencing scene.

2.  Work his left hemisphere.  Because he sits so strongly on the right, his left is obviously weak.  So we're creating crossword puzzles, working through some sequencing exercising, and determining how similar things are different.  As I find more ideas I'll incorporate them.

3.  Use intensity in short periods.  The photo above is how we took a break yesterday.  Rather than plowing through our work before lunch, the boys went outside (yay!) and played in the biggest pile of snow we have left. After about an hour of play we finished our reading exercises and called it a day.  It'll take some getting used to for me to have a break in the middle but I think it's good.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Remember to Celebrate

Midway through February comes a little day of love, like a built-in day to take a breath and remember why we do this: love, intense and never-ending for these little people learning to become big people.  

I spent most of Sunday working on our taxes and when that was finished I decided, spur of the moment, to have a little family celebration.  It is our tradition to have two desserts on Valentine's Day.  So, I made a chocolate souffle to go with strawberries and vanilla bean ice cream.  B & S decorated the table while I made quick, simple valentines with chocolate candies on top for the boys.  Then I went and picked up heart-shaped pizzas.  

Love all of these boys.  

Yesterday, we went to our homeschool group's Valentine Party:  all the bowling and video games you can fit into two hours.  My boys have never had the opportunity to exchange valentines and they were thrilled to find their bags filled with little notes, candies, pencils and silly bandz.  It was so cute.  They also each picked out two pieces of candy to give to their older brother who wasn't at the party.

And that's all we did yesterday.  I didn't squeeze in anymore school work in after the party. I just let the day be the lighthearted day it was supposed to be... remembering sweet moments with my kiddos, enjoying how they are growing, appreciating their strengths.  Celebrating.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Bite Sized Pieces

Where my boys ate lunch yesterday... crawling on the counter as if they're part cat.

Our Wednesday routine is this:  I take J to his school and then I go to my gym to workout.  Back at home dh begins B on his Math and one or two other things I've left out for him to get to.  S follows along with something he considers to be similar.  (Love that little brother HAS to imitate his big).  After I return, dh leaves for the day, I shower, eat and I start with B around 10:30.

Yesterday didn't happen like that.  The icy roads made traffic slow and I wasn't able to make my class in time. DH was flexible yesterday and suggested I try for the next class after I come home for a bit.  (Love that man.)  I went home for a few minutes, let B finish his breakfast and then did our read aloud time, in his jammies laying in the sunlight pouring in over our couch.  Bite Number One.

I gave him instructions for three things to work through and then I went to the gym.  When I returned B proudly announced that he had finished two if the items including all his math AND the math we didn't complete the day before "without complaining."  So proud... both of us.  Bite Number Two.

I determined that we'd have lunch and then get going on the rest of our stuff.  I didn't lie to myself.  We actually did it.  We chunked it up:  Water experiments, pond life food web activity and then I combined his grammar lesson with his daily writing... making  a list of adjectives that describe life in a pond.   My son was engaged and I was completely present.  Bite Number Three.

In the last few minutes before we needed to pick up J, I had B read to me.  Gathered on my big bed with my two sweet sons, knowing we had completed everything, I listened to my dyslexic son read  a chapter at his grade level (!) while his little brother took a quiet nap next to him. It was restful.  I didn't feel anxious listening to my slow reader because everything else was done and, frankly, I didn't want to be anywhere else.  Bite Number Four.

Me: 4
February: 3
Pulling ahead.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Getting to it When I'm Prepared

I read a post on Donald Miller's blog yesterday and it simply made me laugh.  There are so many mornings after breakfast that I say to my boys, "We're starting at 9 o'clock!" and then...

I answer emails and check out Facebook (still have 30 minutes left).

Quickly make up that flipbook for B's notebook page and research some online activities to go with learning about pond life (10 minutes left).  "Boys get dressed please."

Then I remember what bills need to be paid, which makes me balance the whole account, add some things to my to-do list for the day, download some ecoupons to my shoppers card because one of my to-do's is to go grocery shopping, check email again and start responding again... and before you know it, it's 9:30, they still aren't dressed and I'm feeling very distracted.

I can so relate, Don.

So, I didn't want to jump into yesterday until I was ready.  I had to shake off the distractions and organize myself a bit first.  I began yesterday by doing the planning I should have done over the weekend.  This cut into our school time, but the boys were playing with Hot Wheels tracks nicely so no harm done. When I've planned a little, I feel so much less stress.  In trying to tackle February I'm also trying to tackle my stress level and flying by the seat of my pants doesn't support that goal. Over the course of the day we implemented much of what I'd planned and felt no stress.  Goal reached.


As we pursued our plan I had two sweet moments:
1.  While teaching S about yeast so we could make his big letter "Y," we pulled out my bread machine.  It became a project for all three of us.  B chose what "flavor" we made (sweet white bread), S helped to measure and turned it on.  We all looked forward to it as it baked.  In fact I had a ton of snow to shovel off the driveway and when I came from finishing that chore, I came in to the relaxing smell of freshly baked bread.  I loved that most of all.

2.  While teaching B about water we've been doing some experiments out of a book I got for free from the library cast-offs.  It's actually a great book with accessible experiments utilizing items I actually have in the recycle bin!  But the best part is seeing B's excitement to do the simplest tests: coloring water, freezing it to see if it expands, melting the colored ice in warm water while watching the denser, colder water fall to the bottom of the pitcher, and mixing salt water and fresh water and seeing where things will float.  He's really excited about doing these things.  And that is exactly why I enjoy being a homeschooler.

Score:
Me 3
February 3

I'm catching up.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me: Taking the Pressure Off

Pressure Point Number One:  As I sat down with my lesson plan yesterday morning I felt instantly behind.  This two week unit on water and famine was supposed to wrap up this week, but a fun field trip last week made me behind a day.  Getting behind a day when you only have 8, hurts a little.

Pressure Point Number Two:  Looking ahead I saw that our next unit is supposed to be plants.  Obviously, my curriculum hasn't looked outside my house where at least a foot of snow is covering all my plants.  How was I supposed to make that work?

Pressure Point Number Three:  My 4 year old was supposed to start a new unit at the start of February, but with two snow days and a field trip day, I kept putting him off.  He wanted to begin, but I hadn't prepped at all.

Pressure Point Number Four:   We were getting a late start.  This always happens as winter settles in.  Getting out of bed is harder, pancakes sound better than cold cereal, bathrobes are more cozy than clothing and before we know it, it's later than I wanted it to be.

My solutions:

#1: Program a new script in my head -- "Field trips are not superfluous goof-off days."  I never consider field trips to be part of our curriculum unless they directly address what we're studying.  But this cool opportunity arose and so we took advantage of it:  B was at the Microsoft store making a commercial with a team of two other boys.  They were learning about technology, working together and thinking in terms of creative possibility.  I reminded myself that everything in my curriculum can't be so matchy-matchy.  That break from the usual is often the place where our learning clouds open and we get something we didn't get before.  

#2: Remember that I am not teaching a curriculum, I'm teaching a child.  Because we just extensively covered plants several months ago and because we're in the dead of winter and don't have an outdoor lab we're telling the curriculum, "no."  Pushing plants to a time of year when they're actually growing makes more sense.  Instead, we're going to extend our water unit because we can and because B is really into the book of water experiments that we're going through.

#3:  Give my preschooler just a little bit and he'll be happy.  I don't have to have a full-fledged lesson plan for the day with all the parts and pieces cut out and laminated for him him to effectively learn.  His time is more about getting my attention than it is about learning something new.  I read him a cute book and then took some previously used pieces from the last time I did this unit (with B when he was 4) and ran with them.  I showed S the idea of fractions:  1/2, 1/3 and 1/4.  He discovered two things all on his own: 1.  that 2/4 = 1/2 by stacking the pieces on top of one another and 2.  If we cut two halves in half, we get 4 pieces.  High fives all around and he was filled up for the day.

#4: S can review his letters and other skills on the computer and it's perfectly valid.  While he's doing this, B and I can move much more quickly through his lessons and projects and memory verses.  Without little brother asking for another copy of a color page, a chance to play with me, a snack, etc.  we were done by lunchtime, S was happy, B was interested and yesterday was a good day.

I Will Not Let February Get to Me

Home educators often get discouraged in the middle of winter.

• We are very aware of how much there is left to cover for the year and some of us even wonder if the first half of the school year meant anything.   
• The weather is less than ideal and so we are Vitamin D deficient, our events get postponed on icy days which creates disappointment, and the children can't easily go outside (tomorrow's high is going to be 12 degrees and we have 4inches to a foot of snow on the ground depending on where you stand).  
• Besides all of that, taxes need to be filed, summer vacation reservations need to be made and we might still need to get Christmas boxed up and put away.

I neared the end of January and felt like I was in a good place to meet February this year.  I was feeling confident.  Then we had some terribly cold weather and school was cancelled for two days. (For those of you who don't know, my oldest is in a charter school while I home educate my two younger boys.)  This meant that my oldest was home and it created some tension.  When he's off and his brothers aren't I give him study time to complete homework or to work ahead on his school work.  But he's continually coming to ask questions and it's disruptive to our flow.  I'm still figuring out a balance so he doesn't feel like a disruption.  Needless to say, my expectations weren't being met and I needed to lower them a bit.  But by Friday I was still feeling that February feeling.  Rats.  I thought I had it beat this year.

So, I'm determined to stare the month in the face.  To look at each day with the blessings it holds and be thankful for the moments that mean the most.  I am determined to not get sucked in by the discouragement and just know that in the thick of things is when most of the change is happening.  

Bring on the changes, February.  I'm ready to learn.

Battling Burnout, Part III

Let a book tell you what to do. If you’re a mom that is uninspired to continue writing your own unit studies, get a unit study guide and let it tell you what to do for a few weeks. It may not be your style, but sometimes it will excite your kids with new methods of learning that you may not have touched on your own initiative.

Take an in-service day or two. Classroom teachers do this for very good reason. You need to take time to figure out what to do for the next week or month. If it makes you feel better, put on a quality DVD for your kids to watch while you do this. Hitting the ground with a plan on Monday will build your confidence and push you out of your slump.

Tailor the trends that overwhelm you. I think lapbooking is very cool in concept but, to me, that’s a lot of work to do in a few weeks’ time. At the end of our lapbook study I may have a beautiful display to show to grandparents, but I have no ideas left to try in the next unit. My solution? Choose just one lapbooking fold or booklet, complete it over a week’s time and then glue it to a notebook page. Then, next week if you or your kids don’t feel like continuing in that vein then you don’t have to and it’s not left incomplete.

Reduce the stuff that drains you. Are you involved in an activity that sucks the joy out of your life? Are there people that leave you feeling discouraged whenever you’re around them? Do what you can to reduce exposure to these things. Your energy is precious and everyone notices when mom is trying to pour from an empty vessel.

Reaffirm the truth of your identity in Christ. Sometimes we tell ourselves that being a homeschool mom just isn’t very important in the big scheme of things. Well, we actually tell ourselves this fairly frequently but we get into trouble when we begin believing it. You are God’s teacher/pastor to your children. You are ushering in his kingdom with your good works both in and outside of your home. You are accepted and free to become that person that he created you to be. You are loved and you are purposeful. If you base your identity in your Creator then it’s quite possible that your homeschooling will not just be a daily task but an act of worship.

Let me close by reminding you that you are a person of passion. If nothing else, maybe you can gain encouragement from the fact that you are only burning out because you were following hard after something you are deeply passionate about. At one time you were in motion and you were awesome! Infuse some new gas in your tank so you feel like you’re getting somewhere. Remember, you don’t have to go at top speed to be effective and engaged, and you don’t have to go the same way you were going before, you just have to go.

Battling Burnout, Part II

Busy day yesterday! Here's part 2 of 3. More tomorrow!

Give yourself permission. You’re going to wonder, “Give myself permission to do what?” Well, what do you wish you could do in your homeschooling that you’re holding off on because of some unrealistic expectation, some other voice other than your own, or because of fear that your kids will experience gaps, test badly or fall behind? What do you need permission to do? Stop early for the day? Try something new? Let go of something burdensome? Experiment? Take a day…a week…every Friday off? Examine your expectations to see if they’re serving your child or family well and give yourself permission to do what you think is best as their mother and mentor.

Shake up your patterns. This is especially necessary in those subjects that seem to make everyone drag their feet the most. Every 4th week leave Latin lessons behind and let your child try some online vocabulary activities. Mix penmanship practice with computer typing lessons. Let a video show you England instead of reading about it from a book. Let your older child read aloud to all of you while you give your voice a rest and snuggle your littlest one in your lap. You can even take a week to only focus on a big project and leave the subject studies behind. There are endless possibilities.

Learn together. Sign up for a family class through the Park and Rec. Put yourself next to your kids in a learning environment and let them help you with Taekwon Do, Web Design or Ballroom Dancing. You’ll probably laugh a lot and come away with a greater appreciation for the potential that really lies within your kids.

Establish traditions to anticipate. These may be based on a holiday or a habit. You can have Friday Night dinner and discussion by candlelight, a Valentine making day, Breakfast and Bible, Dad’s the Teacher Day or even create an obscure holiday observation (How about Squirrel Appreciation Day on January 21st or Lame Duck Day on February 6th?).

Encourage another homeschooling mom. Sometimes answering the question (outloud and with a little conviction), “So, why do you homeschool?” is just what you need to get your cylinders pumping again. And if you’ve met together over coffee you’ve taken a little time out for yourself so it’s a doubly good idea.

Battling Burnout, Part I

My husband and I have been involved in church ministry on some level for the full 14 years of our married life. We have planned and prepared many different kinds of programs, hosted innumerable (and delightful!) dinner guests, taught countless small groups, staffed youth programs, trained leaders, presented workshops, sermons and even dramatic productions. I could go on and on. Thinking about it makes me feel tired but satisfied. However, several years ago, when I was in the thick of it, thinking about it made me feel something altogether different.

After trying daily for years to get the point across, provide growth opportunities, teach with creativity, help handle conflict, expect good behavior, model a Christ-like ethic, pose challenges, and praise, praise, praise, it seemed that we were spinning our wheels. I’m talking about youth ministry, but I could also describe my own homeschooling journey in the same terms; stalled, going nowhere and feeling overworked and under appreciated. Yes, I have been burned out in both areas.

Burn out is different from stress. Stress often makes you work harder in order to reach a goal that you feel is worthy of attaining… even if it’s an unhealthy goal. Burn out is characterized by letting that work slip through your fingers. You are burned out when you feel ineffective, lose interest, and disengage. If you feel like the only reason you’re homeschooling this week is because you’re afraid someone might check up on you, you’re there. And you’re not alone.

I most often want to disengage from homeschooling in the dead of winter. I live in the rainy Northwest and I honestly don’t know anyone who loves homeschooling indoors in February. The books aren’t new anymore, the children aren’t listening anymore and you can’t just leave the house and blow off steam at the park. It’s prime time for burn out. It’s also the time when we have to shake things up a bit in order get back into drive.

I have made a list of 10 ideas that I have personally tried (and some I have waiting in my back seat yet) when the winter doldrums hit. I hope that you can find just one idea here that inspires you to get back to a place of delight and productivity in your homeschooling.

Tune in tomorrow to see them!

My Secret Weapon Against Burn Out

Listen up: A TWO WEEK SPRING BREAK.

C'mon we do it at Christmastime (some of you take even more than two weeks!). Why not do it in the spring?

I tell you, it's the best thing EVER. I stumbled upon the idea a couple years ago when I just couldn't get everything done in one week. ("get everything done" -- yeah, it's really only a break for the kids) And it has become the one break I really look forward to.

No Christmas presents to wrap or shopping to finish or things to print and fold and stamp and mail. BUT there's some serious cleaning going on and lots of planning for the rest of the year. And if the weather here hadn't turned sour, there would have been a daily nature walk with the boys.

Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter... nothing gets overlooked this way. In fact, this year we began our break last week and we're ending with Easter (as opposed to beginning with Holy Week) and I'm kind of likin' it. Lovin' it.

I took my older kids to see a theater production of "Go Dog, Go" today. It was seriously great. I had read that they didn't really add any words to the book (if you've read it you're scratching your head like I was). And they didn't! Lots of improvisational-type singing, purposeful movements, cool colorful costumes. A great way to show them the theater.

Off to see what all the noise is about downstairs...